"God offends the mind to reveal the heart." 

When people are around others with traumatic situations, more incline to be selfish and self centered?   There are so many of these situations which happened to the Boersma family, they have just learned to laugh about it.   

This is shared not to shame those who are high-lighted (most people, who say things which are so stupid, won't be shamed, but will go further into their own self absorbed lives.  Hopefully this will make you laugh ... and feel bad for those people who are like this and work really hard, for each of us, to not be like this ourselves ... ideally not in daily life ... but especially around death.   You never know ... maybe someone will highlight you?   :-)   What's always kind of funny is when people say something stupid ... is how they try to come back and explain themselves ... which often leads to them opening them mouths even further and revealing all doubt of how stupid they are.  

If you read the following and you don't see what we saw ... it's alright.   It's NOT that you would ever say or do something so stupid.   It's not like there is a car which may fall on you while you're working.  :-)

Did You See?   When Patti says "personal note, it would seem to indicate that she would like to keep this private ... like Rosanna's mom did when her dad as sexually abusing her from age 12 to 19 or maybe even longer.   ~ click here ~ for more dumb things that certain genders do and how the other gender protects them.

In spite of Patti saying it was personal, Patti did check with her husband Vern, who professes to be a devout Christian and is a CPA, and he approved the message.   Often abusers, of all types like to hide what they do and/or control the message they deliver.  It's all about them.

Did You See?   It's always cute when someone tries to lift themselves higher than others and never even think about how condescending they are.   What they are saying is not "noise" but what others are saying is noise.   

Don't you LOVE when people apologize and then but a big old "BUT" there?  They are not justifying their actions, they are truly sorry ... but ... they do want you to know it's not their fault.  :-)  Why do people have such a hard time in taking personal ownership ... especially around the suicide death of a nephew to his mother?  Who does something like this?   

Did You See?   Do you ever find it funny / interesting when people use their WORDS to make something true because their actions reveal something else to be true and they are hoping that you are one of those people who values words far more than deeds.   Watch what comes next ... :-)  It get's better with each and every word.   People are funny or some my call them stupid?

Did You See?   What Patti is saying here is ... "Rosanna, you son died a violent death and I'm to stupid and lazy to text or call you ... and it's not my fault ... that I'm like the way I am, it's your husband's fault.   

Often people somehow connect what is being said to what they really are and then they blame the person who didn't say the words ... but somehow magically help to reveal who they really are and attack the messenger.  Wait ... it gets even better.

Did You See?   Hmmm ... that's interesting.   So how does a Black women talk?  Does Patti think that a Black women talks in a bad way?  Does she was a white women think that she is better than Black women?  

Now Patti may think of herself as a great listener ... but ... well guessing that a lot of Black Women my not think that white women are the best listens.   In Mark's experience Black women are confident, strong and powerful.  Many Black women are single moms and teach their boys to be strong, take ownership and know that if they have to step in for their boys or their husbands that they are emasculating the men in their lives.   

Patti may not see that she is defending her husband because he's not strong enough to stand up for himself, but now allowing one's boy / husband to learn to fight like a man ... often will make him weak and dependent.   

If this was said ... which is very likely that Mark would not give Patti such a great compliment but if it was said then why wouldn't Patti take this as a compliment rather than something negative and why with her husband approving of the email before it would be sent, not see this and help is wife to see the errors of his way ... UNLESS of course ... both Vern and Patti were thinking totally of themselves and not of Rosanna ... the month of the dead son?   

Nope ... sadly ... but so true about Black women is that they wouldn't wait almost a year to connect but would be all over this and caring about Rosanna in a way that certain white women like Patti may never have the blessings to feel a selfless care for others.  

Wait ... it gets even better!  

Did You See?   Wait a minute?   If Rosanna's husband Mark has only had one conversation in the last two decades then why in the world would Patti have such a HUGE issue with Mark and when is Patti saying that Mark said these things that he said?   If it was the conversation which seemed to trigger this email ... then it takes away poor Patti's argument about how traumatized she was by Rosanna's husband and reveals the truth about herself which wasn't said to her in words ... but as a women, as a sister in law, as a mother of three sons and one daughter ... it would seem that Patti convicts herself about what type of a women she is.  

Hmmm ... could it be ... is it possible that Rosanna's husband never said anything bad about Patti but just about her husband?   Is it possible that her husband is not who he seems and wants to present himself to be?   

Is it true that her husband called Mark a few days after Jonathan's death and offered to help Mark and the family three times and Mark said ... "Well Vern, if you would like to help, then you or Patti could connect with this single mom, who has been abused maybe 5 minutes a week to give her encouragement."  

Is it true that Vern than replied ...

Mark was so surprised by the sense of urgency and, pain and drama in Vern's voice that he was taken aback and said ... "Sorry Vern, I don't know.  What's going on in your life?"

Vern said ... 

Did You See?   If you're thinking this can't possibly be true.   Let me get this straight ... "Vern calls a few days after Mark's son commits suicide in the way that he did and Vern won't take 5 minutes a week to help someone else and the biggest thing that Vern has on his mind is a tax deadline?"

If this is shocking to you ... well ... you may not know very many devout Christian white males over 50 who seemed to have figured it out how to game the system and give a little money here and there and attend church and overall be a pretty good person ... but inside ... well ... maybe not as righteous and Godly as they think they are and/or others around them think they are either?  

If you are a CPA, don't worry.  We're sure that the world won't do to you as they do to young Black men and think that everyone of you is like Vern.   Some call it the CWM50+ "Christian White Male over 50" syndrome and many are starting to wonder if many of the worlds problems are due to this group of people.   

Did You See?   Do you see how it comes up yet again where we are using our words rather of something being true rather than using our actions.   You can see it also in the words of love and pray ... and ... there you see it again ... the "but."

For Christians and Christian woman do you think that God would have you pray for someone or pick up the phone or text someone to just see how they are doing? 

Did You See?   Christians are so hard on the Black community and anyone else while they sit in the ivory palaces and judge other people and aren't able to see the plank in their own eyes.   

White Christian women often huddle around one another and through prayer gossip.  They judge the children of single moms or children in the inner city for not taking personal ownership while Patti can't even take 1% ownership of what would be her own cold and hardened and non caring heart so she blames it on the husband?  

Who does something like this a week before the one year anniversary?

Good news for Patti.   Rossana isn't upset with about what you did or even what you said about her husband.   She just laughed and said ... "Doesn't Patti know that I have my own phone and she could have call or texted me?"   

The wonderful gift that Rosanna has that Patti and many other white Christian do not have is perspective.   So many "devout" CWW50+ "Christian White Women" get upset about the silliest things ... whereas Rosanna, who was sexually abused by her dad for 6+ years from 12 to 19 and has her son commit suicide with her other teenage son present.   

Did You See?   What a smart women Patti is where she "knows" what Rosanna's husband thinks.  

Don't worry Christian, white women over 50 ... Patti's behaviors won't impact how people think of you ... or will it?   I mean, as Christian women you, don't ever put other women or men in a box and judge them from your limited knowledge and experience with that type of person ... so ... I'm sure others won't do that to you.  

Pretty interesting to think about these things.   We're thankful to Mark and Rosanna Boersma for being willing to be interviewed for this and having the courage to allow us to post thoughts and insights from them.  

Also what a nice person this Patti is ... or at least she uses a lot of nice words.  It would be too much to ask as she's got a husband who has tax deadlines so that probably creates a lot of trauma so you can't expect Patti to pick up the phone and/or even take 30 seconds to text.  

I mean ... a guy that you have one conversation in two decades that's go to be 

What is it with the "but" for Patti?   Seems like there's not even a thought about it ... or caution that maybe she struggles with taking personal ownership and while she may "get away with it" with her husband, children and friends that the self-center attitude with a grieving mother she my not escape this.   

I know I can’t enter into your pain, but I know that doesn’t lessen my hope that God continues to wrap His arms around you. You will remain on my prayer list, but I won’t cross that line where I subject myself to hate and disrespect from Mark ever again.

Patti

"God offends the mind to reveal the heart."